5th week came and gone... I'm falling behind!

My oh my how time does fly. I remember a riddle I told my English Chocolate once, it goes like this:
---
Until I am measured, I am not known
Yet how you miss me, when I have flown
Answer: TIME
---
Yes, time flyes by and we don't miss it until we realize .. oh crap look how late it is..

That is me. I have been busy with a bunch of things on my plate. To much too go over in great detail. Plus I dont really like to put my personal self out there too much. Kinda defeats the purpose of blogging but hey, it is what it is.

OK so during week 5 it was a little more productive. Still stressful but I'm able to cope a little better. There are very few times in my life were I've felt that I need my "partner" for emotional support. But sometimes life puts hurdles in your path that just need jumping over. Grine and bare it, cause God's never going to put me throw something that I can't handle. That was his promise and I'm holding on too it.
Today is Thursday and I am going to leave early from work today. I was able to change my schedule with a co-worker in order to continue with the Plan Braces. I have my appointment at 2p today and I'll be getting a tooth pulled as well as the spacers put in once again. Round 2 of spacer pain. I haven't updated on the weight loss because well.. that is at a stand still.. ok ok .. it's at an incline.. I'm soo bummed, but I promise to start declining again real soon. No update on the child support situation yet. Oh well, it'll happen when it happens. All in good time. The support will always be needed so for now I'll have to make due with what I have. I think a friend of mine wants to sublet my apartment. Which is great with me because I havent been able to afford grocieries to supply my own house so I've been staying with my mom and we've helped each other. With the rent that I'll get from my friend, that'll put a lot of ease. I'll still be living there and paying rent, we just wont be staying for long periods of time (which we dont know anyway).

I'M SOOO EXCITED.. it's Angelina's Christening on Sunday. Not a lot of family members are going to come down which is a little disappointing but it is what it is. I just know that I've done my part to promise God that the blessing (THE BABY) he's giving me will be taught correctly and brought up in the right path.

Ok that is about it. I'll take a lot of pictures and update everyone again next week about how the Christening went. Blessed be to everyone!

To know me, you must know me as a Cancer ::: My birthday July 19 !!!!

Cancer (Jun 22- Jul 22)

A typical Cancer person is an acutely sensitive individual and secretive. Cancer sign is also very private and hidden with its own likes and dislikes. A Cancer person can hide his or her emotions with utmost secret. A person who is born under this sign is too emotional and nostalgic with old memories haunting the conscience all the time. Hence, Cancer people can be too fragile and mentally sensitive to any situation that demands mental stability. However, these people are simply lovable and affectionate! They can be very loving, caring and dedicated to people whom they admire. In nature, crabs live on the shores of seas and oceans which are possibly the most dynamic and energetic place on the earth. Because of the ever-changing environment, crabs have the immense ability to protect itself from all lurking dangers.

End of Week 4 starting of week 5.

Not a good start of the week. I'm a little worried. I know everything is going to be ok because I have faith that God won't let me go threw anything I can't handle. I KNOW IT.. lol.. yet it's easier said than believed. I took the baby to her MD on Monday. She had a few episodes, of what seemed to me, as small seizures. I didnt want to freak out so I made an appointment with her doctor asap. Good thing that I had a chance to video tape the episode. Thank God for cell phones. Anyhow, the doctor viewed the video and referred her to a Neurologist. Now I'm worried. My little baby... ugh.. I hate feeling helpless. The doctor says that she'll grow out of them when she gets older, but my baby shouldnt have to go threw this at all. My oldest never had a seizure and I hate that the baby is suffering. Well, ok, the baby doesnt seem like she's suffering at all... crazy girl still laughs and giggles like nothing is wrong. Doctor says they are small seizures so may not be anything major to worry about. It's just me. I dont say anything to anyone because I dont want to worry anyone else. My mother would freak and she would have a bigger breakdown. Here at the hospital we call that HP. Hispanic Panic... hahahaha.. yes it's true, hispanics tend to over exaggerate and make mountains out of mole hills. *sigh* I know its going to be ok.. I know it's going to be ok.. I know it's going to be ok... (If I say it more and more.. hopefully I'll start believing it.. lol)

Live and let live, die and die in peace, be merry and Merry to the fullest.

Week 4 has come and gone.. and me.. I've been left behind...

Hey Hey, it's that time again. Can you believe that this month is almost over with? Time has passed by asap. Ok, so much to catch up on.. where to start? My grandpa always said to start from the begining and finish at the end. So here we go...

During week 4, I rec'd a call from my dentist office telling me they are no longer making appointments for Sundays. Since they only work on Thursdays, Saturdays and I work those days in the AM, I cant go. The office is under reconstruction so it'll be another 4 months before I can get in. I'm sooo bummed because I want to have my front teeth straight before I go to Europe next year (not to mention that I'm down to 20lbs and sooo many people are paying me a lot of compliments) I really really want my braces on to just get them over with. I am going to try to change my schedule with a co-worker so that I can work her Mondays and she can work my Friday. That way I can continue with my weight loss.
**ok ok I know what you're thinking.. why dont I continue even with out the restrictions of having braces..-- ok well to answer that question.. this is MY blog.. lol.. nah I just dont have the will power as others do. That is why I'm pushing the braces issue.

Ok, on to the next order of business. My kids. I'm excited to announce my daughter is having her Christening on June 27th @ 1p. By then she'll be 5 months old, but it's better late than never. Can you believe it. I've had invitations made and I've mailed them to a lot of family members. The invitations are made by my little neice, Raquel Holguin. They really where great invitations. Thank Raquel!

Now about me, I mean.. about my personal life. I went out to a night club for the first time. Well technically it's the 2nd time but I dont think that the first time counted too much as an "out at the club" night. That night I just went out with a couple of co-worker to a lesbian bar. NO NO I AM STRAIGHT.. I just tagged a long to de-stress. It was fun. Well, I went out again last night, this time for real. OMG lots of fun. I didnt give my number out to anyone, but I did get to dance with some really nice men. Why didnt I give my number out? Because, it's a club.. not really the best place to meet "THE" right man.

Well enough is enough.. I've been going on and on about me. Hopefully I'd get some comments soon. Let me know how it's going and what I can do better. Thanks.. hope you all have a safe and sane weekend!! If it gets a little insane... CALL ME!

Happy Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day. The day we are to remember in reverance all of our fallen Hero's and why they've died. it is a day set aside specifically for us to pay tribue. Just like Mother's Day or Father's Day. With that being said, I would like to say thank you to all of our troops. Sometimes things are worth fighting for and some things are not, but where ever they may be and what ever situation they may find themselves in, may they follow the light of the candle to find there way home. Our Love, Pride, and Prayer be with YOU ALL.. our Beloved Hero's.

Week 3 ending soon

It is almost the end of week three and I at 15 pounds lost. A lot of people say that it shows in my face.. man o man can a girl get a break.. I need it to show on my ASSESTS.. not my face! Ok, so I am keeping my diet as lite as possible. I was able to remove my spacers but I'll be getting them put on again early next week. While I've been able to eat like a normal person I have had to make sure my mind remembers my goal. TRUST ME, it's been hard as heck. This week I've gotten very creative when cooking dinner. Have I mentioned that I like to cook. Especially making new inventions. So, here is one of my new dishes.. tasty!! Pork chops sauteed in orange juice w/a touch of lime, whole beans (not fried. freshly cooked whole beans are high in iron), and salad with homemade splenda salad dressing. I kid you not! Then yesterday, I made a chicken terioki stew and Spanish Rice. Tomorrow, my god mom is coming over my house and I'm making us some veggie omelete, however, she just texted me and said, "Were's the meat... mama's gotta have some meat.." hahaha that's why I love her.. lmao. I better stop all the meat eating though and get back to eating soft foods. I'm not going to be able to keep loosing if I'm eating meat all the time.

Ok, so I'll be honest.. I've been cooking a lot lately because I've been a bit stressed and down. If you realized that I eat when I'm down.. YOU GOT IT.. Yeah I know, who would have guessed it right? I dont usually like telling people when I'm depressed. I like hearing and helping others I dont always say what's on my mind. If I'm asked a question of course I'll give an honest answer, but when it comes to actually talking about me and what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling, well that's a whole different ball game. I'm in the middle of trying to obtain some type of child support from my babies father. I wont go into details, but I've recently found myself at a fork in the road. Do I go left or do I go right. I have to learn that somethings I have no control of and some things I do. What I do with that control and what I do when I'm not in control is what will make or break me.

End of Week 2

This is it, the final week of those damn spacers. The saying is so true. You don't miss what you have until you don't have it anymore. In my case it's regular food. I am down 10 pounds whoo hoo.

Update on my uncles dental clinic. I called Michelle, the office manager and asked her what the status was. I guess they found a dental office that will allow him to practice there a couple of days a week. So now, my appointment is on Sunday. Still not sure at what time, but omg I can't wait to get these spacers out. Have I told you all that my mouth and jaw line is sore? The other night I had to take out the top spacers because they went into my gum line and I developed a couple of blisters on each side. OUCH.. Sunday I'll have my root canal done also. I'm not looking forward to it. As a matter of fact, I don't want to drive up alone. Oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do. It's only a hour and a half away.. I'll just buy a couple of diet Rock Stars and I'll be all set. I'll update more next week.

Have a great weekend.. I will finally have a day off from work.. :)

OMG what a tuff day

Today has been a tough day since the moment it started. From 12a to present.. and still more to come. Where do I start? Ok, well I was on a date last night. 1st day and very low key. We were at the cafe (I usually prefer low key for a first date, it's easier communicating then at a place with a louder ambiance). I ordered a simple soup (it's all I've been eating these last couple of weeks) and he ordered a T-Bone steak. Conversation was casual and so far so good. Then, when we were handed the tab, he looks at me and says "Sweetie, I forgot my wallet, I promise to make it up to you the next time." What the F_ _ _! If I invite then I pay, I get that, but I was asked out and now I still have to pay? WOW... what is a girl to do. Ok, so I keep my cool and finish my coffee. He then orders Dessert. OMG are you kidding me... holy shit.. he just had the tenacity (my new favorite word) to order more food when he cant even pay his first round. I didn't know what to say so I just sat there like a dumb ass. THEN... THEN... THEN.. when he starts finishing his dessert, he asks.. So, baby.. my place or yours. Ok, I guess I need to start working on my facial jesters because after all that just happened, it seems that instead of me giving off the expression of "no fucking way", I must have giving him a sign of .. "On my fucking way". Then, I said and did something classic. I've never done it, but wow, it felt good. I said to this man, "You know, that's a good question. Let me use the restroom while I think about that." I got up, walked towards the restroom, paid the tab with the cashier, and instead of going to the bathroom, I just walked out. On my way out I asked the hostess to let the gentleman whom I was with know that I said.. "Neither... Good night!" I got in my car and drove off. Home by 1a. Lord have mercy. Men, can't live with them, can't live without them. Ok, so I got home and as the day went on, I made dinner and it was good. Then I got to work. I knew I should have called out sick. As soon as I came into work, we had a code 55. Meaning that we have a violent patient. Lone and behold, he was my patient. He's just a kid... 15 years old and with so much hate. We had 2 police officers on hand (one was hot btw. It's always great when men have their own handcuffs.. hehehe) Unfortunately, I witnessed something that I wish I didn't. I cant go into detail about it but sufficed to say I almost broke down in tears. I have been exposed to a lot of hardcore experiences, both in life and here at work, but nothing would prepare me for what I saw today. NOTHING. I'm a mother and the simple thought of not being able to help, not being able to comfort, and so much hell breaking loose all around me.. I almost lost it. Almost...

Thank God for tomorrow.. thank god for tomorrow...

Week 1 over starting week 2 in pain

OMG, the pain is a killer. Who ever said beauty hurts, wasn't kidding. Holy Crap. Anyhow, so here is the update, I went to San Bernardino last Monday to get the spacers put in. While there, my uncle (the Dentist) said that I will need a root canal as well as the oral surgery on my left bottom wisdom tooth. So after balancing the check book, I found.. that I can't afford it. No big surprise there.. hahaha.. ok ok, so I called my uncle this past Sunday. GUESS WHAT.. his office had a fire. YUP, it burnt down. Now it was a bitter sweet moment, sucks for him but it's also a blessing cause his office was do for an upgrade. He was telling me all about it. Since I used to work for an insurance company as an accounting under, he asked me for some guidance on what to expect. So as it seems, my braces are on hold for now. I still have the spacers in and they still hurt like hell, but if my cousin doesn't find a temporary space for his practice, I'll have to take out the spacer and wait on further treatment. It sucks actually. I'd rather just get it over with than have to start all over again. I've literally been on a soft food diet for 10 days now. I've lost about 8lbs. I feel sooo tired all the time that I think my iron level is low again. I'm already anemic and after I had my baby it got so low that I was admitted to the hospital. I started drinking protein shakes, taking vitamins, and eating a lot healthier, that's why it sucks if I would have to start all over again. Grrr.. but on the upside, I contacted an old friend of mine who is a personal trainer. Well, homeboy is a lot of things, but all I wanted is his experience as a trainer. He said he would help me with a weight loss program. whoo hoo.. bad thing is he's the type that wants a little more then just his regular compensation. I made it clear that it was business only.. and no FWB (friends with benefits). MEN.. lmao.. it bugs the crap out of me that I'm only wanted as a FWB but at the same time it is a compliment I guess. I'm not saying that I'll do the FWB thing because my ultimate goal is to start my own family (well I've already started I just need to fill in the wholes.. hahahaha) but at least I have the option of getting my "itch scratched" whenever I needed it. It is what it is. Ok, more later. Did you all feel the earthquake? 5.1 north of Mexicali... good thing my English Chocolate wasn't here to feel it.

Why haven't I learned my lesson yet???

So foolish.. how does that saying go again.. fool on me once, shame on you fool one me twice shame on me. See I knew I shouldnt date Mexicans. Same story different male. Now I talk about Mexicans because I am one..so didnt get all upset cause I'm profiling. It true though. It seems that I have a "USA citizen" mark where anyone is welcomed to apply for citizenship. Remember that man I mentioned that I recently met here in the Ed day b4 yesterdat.. well, he was married and wify was back in Mexico. What he was looking for was a friendship with benifits. Then marriage with rights. OMG... I have officially found that most men fall under 3 categories.. 1, men who think that the grass is greener on the other side. If it's good with her imagine if it could be better. 2nd, men who say they want a relationship but just dont have time to put the work or effect into it. finally, catergory 3.. men who dont want a relationship but do want the benifits of one. *sigh* I hoope and pray that someone will see my value and snatch me up. I'm a diamond in the ruff. Wash me & mold me, then you will, see that it was worth the effort. I am sad.. I miss my English chocolate. I wonder who much it is to fly overseas... hahaha.. just kidding.. all in good time.. I'll try to keep positive, today was just a bump in the road. Tomorrow is a new day and it's tomorrow already somewhere.

Week 1 almost done

Well, this week has been rough to say the least. Ok, I'm about to vent for just a minute.. I am so sick and tired of people who are ungrateful. I work in the hospital and it really seems as if no good deed goes unpunished. People need to realize that the nursing staff, as well as the registration personal are only here to help. We know that you don't feel well, we know it hurts, we know that you feel as though you are dying, so I promise to try to make you feel as comfortable as possible, but PEOPLE.. PLEASE.. don't yell at me!! Yelling will not help at all. As I've always said, 10% is what happens to you and 90% how you reach to it.

Ok, I am officially done venting. So an update on my week. I really wish someone would have told me that putting on braces comes in phases. So I am on phase 1, making space. I have 6 rubber bands, 2 on each back molar, to space them out. My entire jawline is hurting. Thank god for Tylenol. I was also just told that I will need oral surgery to remove one of my wisdom teeth and on top of that I am going to need a root canal. OMG, no wonder not that many people like going to the dentist. In the end it'll be all worth it, so I am keeping positive. All I need is some good pain killers and I'll be all set. Ever since I've had the spacers put in, I've been eating a bunch of liquid or soft foods. Such as over cooked rice, cambel soups, clam chowder (my favorite), etc. Nothing chewy and no gum. I was advised to stay away from coffee, but I'd like to see them try to make me. Keeping coffee away from me is like trying to keep me from breathing. Unless I'm dead, it's just NOT happening. So far I've lost 3 pounds since I've started the soft diet foods, and guess what.. I was just asked out on a date tonight. OMG, I don't normally date men that I meet at work but the opportunity has presented itself a couple of times now. Actually, the last man that I was with was someone that I meet at work. His fine ass had to go home, but wow, we totally enjoyed each other's company. Needless to say, all this effort seems to be paying off. One day at a time. If I want something that I've never had before, I need to do something that I've never done before. This is the end of week 1 and lots more to go.

Tomorrows the big day.. D day

Ok, so as much as I am crazy about the fact that tomorrow is Day 1 of New Beginings, I am really nervous. Tomorrow I am getting my braces put on. Now on the plus side there's going to be a lot of things that I wont be able to eat. What will that mean, well it'll help on my new diet that I will be starting tomorrow as well. On the negitive side.. I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THE PAIN!! From what I've heard, braces are painful at first and then more pain at every tightening. HAHAHA.. yeah yeah, I guess if I can pop out 2 kids, I sure can deal with toothe aches. One day at a time right?

So I've been asked, why blog about your experiances? Honestly, it's because I know a lot of people have gone or will go through the sames things that I am currently facing. It's not easy being a BBW (big beautiful woman), with 2 children (8y & 3m), and being a single woman. It's been a long time since I've been told "I love you" by a man, it's been even longer that I've felt even close to saying those same words myself to someone (although I might have wanted to recently but the time wasnt right). I figured that if I talk about my experiances then that will make my goals that much more important to reach and in the same, that much easier to bear.

What are my goals? First and for most, I need to change physically for the better. I am too over weight and that is not healthy. Dont get me wrong, I do feel comfortable in my own skin and I am confident enough "to hold my own" if you know what I mean. Even though not many men admit to it, there are quite a few chubby chasers out there that like their T-Bone Steaks. As much as I love the men who love me, I need to get healthier. My 3m old kicks my butt when it comes to physical activities plus it's just going to get worse if I keep the weight. How heavy am I? I work at a hospital in San Diego, CA. I weighted myself today on one of the scales here. Since I'm starting my new diet plan tomorrow, I need to keep track. The scale read 294. It's actually less than what I weighed before I had the baby, but it's still too too high.

2nd goal is to better myself mentally. I am going to be 33 on July 19, 2010. I'd say it's about time for me to gather my thoughts & focus on my future. I will be going back to school and get that degree I should have gotten a long time ago. I have decided that I will be returning to school and become a Physical Theropist... yet another reason why I need to loose the weight, so that when I do finish school, I'll be able to physically handle the job. Some people (aka my mom)would like me to find a husband. Honestly, so would I, but how am I too expect someone to love me unconditionally if I myself dont always like looking in the mirror. I need to work on "ME" before I can handle an "US". Lord knows that when I do become a MRS somebody, I will be giving that somebody my 120%; but for now, I need to focus feeling better about me. Oh but wait, that doesnt mean that I wont be available for an "US" shoot.. didnt want to come across like that.. if there does become an "US" then that man will need to be a positive enfluence and help continue reaching my goals.